PILLOW TALK

My strategy for dealing

with Diana the following day at work was simple...and immature and stupid, as I

planned on avoiding her at work and acting as if nothing memorable happened between

the two of us the night before. She would have to come to me if we were going to

talk I defiantly told myself. I wanted to maintain the illusion I wasn’t really

interested or bothered by anything she said or did because I certainly didn’t want

her to know just how much I cared about her or how afraid I was of getting hurt by

her. If I would’ve walked into work that day and immediately sought her out as I

would’ve liked to, I would have come across as nothing more than a love sick school

boy at best. Besides, if I had gotten to clingy or told her how I really felt about

her, she might’ve been inclined to stay away from me altogether and I definitely

didn’t want that to happen.

So after I finally arrived at

work all psyched up and determined to work my idiotic and machismo-like plan, though

at the same time terrified at the prospect of ignoring my dream girl, I casually

strolled into the chaotic midday hustle and bustle of the restaurant like I didn’t

have a care or worry in the world even though the entire time I was looking for

Diana out of the corners of my eyes. Fortunately for me, she didn’t take my initial

cold shoulder treatment personally as I would have done. Diana, acting and being

more of an adult than I, apologized for falling asleep and said she was just tired

from working long hours and it was nothing personal. Then much to my relief and

luckily for the overall good of my sanity, Diana asked me if I wanted to come over

again to which I enthusiastically said yes even before she could finish asking her

question. She had no idea, or at least I don’t think she did, of how badly I needed

and wanted her to ask me over again and how there was no other person in the world I

wanted to be with more than her.

But unlike the first

exhilarating time I was invited to Diana’s hotel room, there would be no running off

to my buddy’s house this time around after work as I immediately drove straight home

so I could re-groom myself like there was no tomorrow. My sole focus and train of

thought was on trying to impress Diana later in the night. I even successfully

shaved with a hand razor for one of the few times in my life and splashed on some

ancient and unused generic cologne I received for Christmas many, many years ago.

To top off my appearance, I put on my brand new jean shorts, one of my hippy-looking

silk shirts, and my leopard spotted underwear…just in case. On a personal note, the

designer underwear I wore was way too small for what I was packing underneath as it

was constantly riding up my crotch and buttocks the entire night. But don’t get me

wrong, I’m not trying to brag about my larger than normal and perfectly shaped penis

or my two well proportioned and beautifully shaved testicles. I probably just

didn’t buy the right size underwear or wasn’t used to having my private parts

scrunched up in such a tight and compact manner. Needless to say, I would never buy

or wear animal themed briefs again.

On my way to Diana’s hotel

room that night, almost as if it were part of a dream or hallucination, I prepared

ruthlessly for what I had hoped and prayed would be my first real kiss with a woman,

yet alone a beautiful woman later in the night, by stuffing my mouth to capacity

with various assortments of minty flavored chewing gum and breath mints. I could

definitely feel the difference in my overall attitude and confidence as I pulled

into the hotel parking lot for the second time in as many days. The only thing I

was really worried about, as I rode the elevator up to the second floor of the

hotel, was how Diana would view my designer clothing. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have

been caught dead wearing what I was wearing, but the sales lady at the department

store convinced me of my clothing’s ability to appease the eyes of the opposite

sex. So with my newfound wardrobe and confidence intact and feeling good about what

the night had in store for me, at least compared to the previous night, I exited the

elevator with a spring to my step only to feel the thin layer of hope I possessed

quickly turn into a hurricane of despair the instant I saw Diana and three other

individuals walking straight towards me.

There was Diana, her roommate

Randy, and two guys I had seen at work but never met before. When our paths met in

the hallway, Diana casually asked me if wanted to go to the store with them and

since I didn’t have much of a choice considering she was already on her way out, I

promptly responded with a lethargic and uninspired yes. What else could I have said

under the circumstances? Call me oversensitive, call me whatever, but it stung when

I saw Diana attempting to flee the hotel knowing full well I was coming over.

Didn’t she care or even consider the possibility of my arrival when she was gone?

But then again who was I kidding. She could have said or done anything to me back

then and I wouldn’t have held it against her, I was head over heels in love with

her. In fact, if the devil himself would’ve promised me, in exchange for my eternal

soul, Diana would get to spend the remaining days of her life in total bliss and in

perfect health all the while in the arms of another man, I would’ve gladly agreed to

do it, no questions asked. I would’ve even agreed to walk the ends of the earth

until my dying day if only for the chance to look upon her one last time. There was

just something about her I didn’t want to live without.

So with everybody crammed

inside a newer and reddish compact car, off we sped into the dark summer night going

God knows where to do God knows what. To make matters even worse, we were being

driven rather hastily and dangerously by the fatter and more acne riddled of the two

other guys in the group while the other guy sat shotgun trying to act like a hard

ass. Diana, Randy, and I, thank God, sat scrunched together in the backseat of the

car while practically sitting on each other’s laps, much in the same way a group of

hamsters congregate and nestle in the corner of a ten gallon aquarium, while

violently swaying back and forth from one side to another. You’d think sitting so

tightly and compactly next to Diana would have been a dream come true for me and it

was…sort of. On a positive note, I could feel the smooth and massaging softness of

her beautiful and sexy left leg rubbing up against mine but on a negative note, she

could also feel the dense furriness of my hairy right leg brushing against hers. As

much as I wanted Diana’s leg to touch mine, I tried in vain to keep them apart for

her sake. Diana probably felt like she was sitting next to a descendant of Big Foot

or the missing link between humans and chimps. Of all the genetic traits my family,

more specifically my father, had to pass on to me this had to be one of them. My

gorilla-like hairiness might’ve just cost me an opportunity to kiss her later in the

night and in hindsight, I should’ve known better than to wear shorts instead of

pants especially when in the captivating presence of such a beautiful and alluring

woman.

During our short ride to a

then unknown store destination, Diana asked one of the guys in front if he could

play one of her cassette tapes and to play a certain song on it. I wasn’t a big

music guy at the time, nor am I really now, so I hadn’t the faintest idea who the

group was or what the name of the song was called. All I knew was I had never heard

it before and Diana and I probably had different tastes in music. Eerily the lyrics

of the song described me and the current situation I found myself in, almost to a

tee. For example,

“You’re so very special...I wish I was special...but I’m a creep…I’m a weirdo…what the hell I’m doing here…I don’t belong here…I don’t belong here.”

Years later I found out the name of the song was called Creep

by a band named Radio Head.

As much as liked sitting next

to Diana in the car, I thought I was destined to be stuck the entire night riding

around with three other people I didn’t want to be with. Thankfully, all we did was

stop at a convenient store to buy some munchies and beverages. Let it be known I

was a complete gentleman, or fool depending on how you look at it, and insisted on

paying for Diana’s purchases to which she kindly obliged. When we finally arrived

back at the hotel parking lot, none the worse for the wear, the two guys who had

been tagging along with us immediately took off and disappeared into the lobby of

the hotel which seemed like a rather strange and odd farewell but couldn’t have made

me happier since the less testosterone and competition around the better.

The only thing I was really

worried about on the way back to Diana’s hotel room that night was the bright

lighting inside of the hotel. I could just picture the horror and terror on Diana’s

cover girl face if she saw the jungle-like hairiness of my right and left leg under

the unforgiving microscope of fluorescent lighting. I made sure I stayed well

behind her and out of her immediate sight the entire time we walked from the hotel

parking lot to the inside of her hotel room. Not until my hairy legs were safely

hidden inside the darkness of her room did I start to feel somewhat comfortable

again.

Once inside Diana’s chilly

but still somewhat comfortable air conditioned hotel room, I promptly took a seat on

the only chair in the room, once again, while Diana and Randy eagerly plopped down

on their respective beds to enjoy their meals and for about the next fifteen minutes

or so, everyone stayed exactly where they were at while awkwardly eating, drinking,

and watching television without ever saying a word to each other. I was so shy and

paranoid about my naked, hairy legs after they were harshly exposed by the glaring

light of the television set, I never initiated any small talk or conversation

between Diana and me. I just sat there like the moron I was, imitating a giant

piece of deadwood as I sat there motionless and expressionless, never making a sound

while eerily staring blankly at the television set in a mummy-like trance.

Then just like a hypnotist

snapping her fingers at a highly impressionable and suggestive patient, I was

immediately and joyfully brought back to life the instant Diana asked me to come sit

with her on her bed which I never saw coming. She used her small and seductive,

petite right hand to lightly pat the area of the bed where she wanted me to sit

while I on the other hand, could have easily fainted or thrown up right then and

there if not for the fact I was too busy trying not to shake and giggle with virgin-

like excitement as I tramped my way onto her unmade and cozy looking bed. In all

truthfulness, I didn’t know what the heck was going on inside me once I nervously

sat atop her bed with her, inches within touching her in all of her splendid

beauty. I was nervous, excited, scared, terrified, horny, and in love all at the

same time and then within minutes after pretending I was watching television with

Diana on top of her bed, she turned to me and said,

“Feel this,” as she reached up with her left hand to lift and pull some of her beautiful, thick, dark brown hair away from her while using her right hand to pinpoint a knot in her hair.

“Can you see it?” she asked. “It’s huge!”

“No,” I innocently proclaimed as I ever so slightly shook my head from left to right while staring at her hair in complete bewilderment.

Diana, seemingly fed up with my temporary blindness or lack of

honesty, quickly picked up my sedentary left hand and placed it on the very spot she

had wanted me to see. This was awesome I thought as I touched and groped her

beautiful soft hair even if it was just a clump or knot as she liked to refer to

it. Maybe I would even get to kiss her I excitedly hoped and wondered while trying

to hide my rapidly rising erection with my jealous right hand. At least my left

hand was no longer a virgin to me I devilishly thought as it had finally touched a

woman in a semi-sensual way. Now if only my right hand could get some action I’d be

set.

A short while later and just

minutes after losing the virginity of my left hand, in a dorky sort of way I know, I

continued to act like I was interested in watching television while Diana

unexpectedly retrieved a pillow for me then flipped over on her stomach and started

channel surfing. I quickly took her lead and lied on my stomach to watch some more

television and as I did so, I noticed Randy had fallen asleep. Diana and I

continued to lie on our stomachs for about fifteen minutes in complete silence while

watching a television show called Three’s Company before Diana suddenly and without

warning turned the television off using the remote control she had clutched in her

hand. Diana then quickly pushed herself up from her stomach and lied on the right

side of her body with her feet facing the television set as I speedily and anxiously

followed her lead and lied on the left side of my body. It was hard to believe what

was happening to me as I lied in total darkness right next to the woman of my dreams

and on her bed to top it off with our heads resting on our individual pillows only

inches apart. I was so unsure of how to act and what to do next I asked her what

she was thinking.

“Nothing,” she calmly whispered in my direction.

“What are you thinking?” she asked me in return.

“Nothing,” I whispered back at her.

I could tell conversation wasn’t going to be on the menu for

the rest of the night.

For about fifteen minutes or

so, Diana and I lied motionless on her bed staring directly into each other’s eyes

without ever saying a word to each other. They were the most beautiful and precious

fifteen minutes of my life and minutes I wouldn’t have traded for all of the money

in the world, and still wouldn’t. It was the single most romantic and memorable

moment of my life and something I’ll always remember and be grateful for.